funnyblog: Reader Question: Make Your Ex Crazy Wedding Attire

Dear EWP:

I've got an evening wedding coming up in Austin, TX in early August. I've always known that this would be the first time I'd see my ex (and first love) since he quit returning my calls about a year ago, but I've just learned that I'll also be meeting his fiance there. Sweet. So obviously I have to look smoking hot. Maybe something so blindingly awesome that people don't notice if I start to cry?

Thanks,
Still Getting My Groove Back

Dear Still Getting My Groove Back,

This sounds like every girl's worst nightmare. I'm pretty sure if this happened to me, I'd try to make out with my husband the entire time to show I'm happily married and then Mr. EWP would push me away and go "Geez, we're at a wedding!" and thus ruin all my efforts to make my ex jealous. Thank God I don't have any ex's. Unless you count random people you make out with in bars....

But that is neither here nor there. Your faithful EWP is here for you in your time of need!

Now my recommendations here depend on a few things.

First, no matter how sexy an outfit I pick, if you are not comfortable wearing something like it, then don't get it. Confidence is the most sexy quality, and if you're fumbling with your hemline or tugging on your dress all night and looking uncomfortable, you're not achieving your maximum sexiness.

Second, your body type also affects what choice you make. Not all of these options will look good on everyone. I've tried to pick many options so there's something for every body type. Got great boobs? Wear something with cleavage. Got great legs? Keep it short and sassy. Got sexy curves? Go with a fitted sheath dress.

Third, the dress is not the only thing you need to be super hot. You've got to be the whole package - great hair, great makeup, and, above all else, great shoes. I envision some super hot high heels with any of these dresses to give you the ultimate sexy factor. I get a lot of pushback on my high heels directives, but, seriously, guys LOVE heels. And don't forget some cute jewelry!

Lastly, it all depends on what's sexy to you. If you're looking for classic feminine sexy, I've got options for you. If you're into short and sassy, I've got that too.

Hope one of these is what you're looking for. Good luck!