A Repost on Gay Marriage

Yesterday the Illinois legislature passed a measure to extend civil unions to gay couples in this state. While I was very happy to see this step in the right direction, I couldn't help but be sad that we couldn't just call it marriage and still have to have this whole separate nomenclature based on who you're marrying. Add to that the Senate debating the archaic ridiculousness that is Don't Ask Don't Tell, and I've had gay rights on the brain more than usual today. And then I remembered this post I wrote almost two years ago and thought maybe it was time to dig it up, dust it off, and repost it. It is Christmas-time afterall, and what is more in the spirit of loving thy neighbor than standing up for their basic rights?

Today I'm going to take a break from chatting about the normal superficial (but very important) topics of shoes and hotness to discuss something that has been weighing heavily on my heart. And with Iowa and Vermont joining the ranks of states legalizing same-sex marriage, I thought there was no better time than now to talk about this topic that is very important to me.

We, as Americans in the '90s and '00s and the upcoming teens, have been so blissfully lucky. While we recently have had some financial woes, we've spent the last few decades enjoying a peaceful existence, not paying much attention to all the struggle that got us where we are. We didn't have to burn our bras (thank God, because those things are expensive!) for the right to vote. We didn't have to march on Washington (TG b/c these heels don't really take me very far) for the right to an equal education. Most of us have sat on our haunches (or wandered the boutiques) and enjoyed our relatively unencumbered existences.

But for many of our fellow Americans, the struggle for equality continues.

Why should I care about gay marriage as a heterosexual female married to a male? Because I am an American, my fellow Americans are hurting, and it's the right thing to do.

Our country was founded on great principles, such as freedom, equality, and (something many people these days attempt to forget) the separation of church and state. The religious beliefs of the religious majority in this country should not dictate the government's treatment of any minority groups.

People quake in terror at the thought of same-sex marriage and state "but my religion defines marriage as between a man and woman." Well, that's fine. No one's telling your religion to change that. What is being asked for here is civil marriage. The right to go to city hall, NOT a church, and enter into marriage, with all the many rights and privileges it provides. Not to mention the comfort, safety, and love.

And even though the definition of marriage some religions so cling to is not being attacked or asked to change and will continue untouched, it does not follow that civil marriage's definition cannot be changed. It was not so long ago that our country forbade the marriage of people of different races. It seems almost laughable now (at least to most people with half a brain) that the government would ever dictate that someone black couldn't marry someone white. But it took years of struggle. And, thanks to the brave people before me who were jailed, beaten, and worse for following their hearts, I could in November, with no questions from my government except to make sure we weren't related, marry my wonderful husband. Sure it irked my parents to no end my then-fiance was white, but that was their problem, not the government's.

So it goes for gay and lesbian Americans.

Some, continuing to protectively clutch the term "marriage," offer civil unions. They say it's the same thing, with the same rights, but gay and lesbians just get a different name. To which I respond, if it's the same thing, why does it need a different name? Are we really back to the days of touting "separate but equal"? Saying civil unions are just as good as civil marriages is akin to saying the back of the bus is just as good as the front. And we all have seen how that logic has held up.

Each day I spend in matrimonial bliss, the more this cause tugs at my heartstrings. Why is the love, companionship, security, and family I have been so lucky to have being denied other Americans just because of whom they have chosen to love? I had wished with all my heart that Proposition 8 would not pass, but, while on my honeymoon, I read that the fear and hate spreaders had won. And I cried. Oh how I cried. Sitting at breakfast with my new husband, sporting our shiny wedding bands as badges of our love for each other, my heart could not comprehend that others would not be so fortunate as to have this because our government would not let them.


As a Muslim American who has lived through the tyranny of 2 Bush administrations, I know well the feeling of being a second-class citizen. It is not a feeling any American should ever have to experience. We all should have the same rights. We should all be treated equally under the law. And when our fellow Americans are being oppressed, it is our duty to step forward and stand up for them.

For more information, visit the Human Rights Campaign: http://www.hrc.org/