"But the girl has fangs" and other things you shouldn't have to say when on a journey to love

Wow. Just wow.

Last night was the premiere of the latest Bachelor and oh my goodness was it a spectacle worth watching. I could not look away.

First let me give my usual complaint that the ladies on this show are always white. They sometimes throw in a token black girl just so the bachelor doesn't seem racist or something, but she usually goes home first. But this season they didn't even bother with that, there is not a single woman of color no this season. Is that something the bachelor says when describing what kind of girl he's into? "I like an outgoing girl, who likes family, and she should be white." I was very perturbed by this, but after watching the 2 hour premiere I realized something - the producers probably thought they had picked women of color. It's just that color was orange. Holy crap, all these women are ORANGE. I was very tempted to adjust my television, but that's what they really were - orange. When did we decide as a country it was okay to be orange? Because seriously a lot of people are. It's an epidemic. And it's not just 20-something girls. Look at Boehner. The man is an oompa loompa. And he's a man. But he also cries as often as a teenage girl, so maybe the orange just goes along with it?

Just a few observations along the way on Brad Womack's journey:
1) I would never ever go to a dentist that danced in her underwear on The Bachelor.

2) There was a woman with fangs. FANGS. She was for reals serious about them. And Brad still gave her a rose. If he can't even give the girl with fangs the boot then this man is doomed. Doomed.

3) A woman said her job was "manscaper." Umm... that's not a real job. And she chose to wax Brad's hand as a fun way to get to know each other. And he gave her a rose. I repeat, this man is doomed.

4) These shoes appeared:
And I cried. And vomited. And jumped off my balcony. Except I don't have a balcony, I live on the first floor. But I would've if I had a balcony.

5) Those were not the only awful shoes of the night. A girl from Kansas showed up in red sequinned shoes, you know, to be like ruby slippers. God, where is a balcony when you need one...

6) Also seen and heard - a girl randomly making up a terrible song and singing it, a girl jumping into Brad's arms - she's lucky he didn't drop her -, and a girl slapping Brad as part of her introduction. I don't care who you're meeting, it's not okay to introduce yourself with a slap. That's assault, people.

Which brings me to my final thought: I really don't know why people are hating on Brad. So he didn't pick a girl the last time. Who cares? If he didn't like either of them and didn't see a future with either of them, then why should he be forced to pick one and propose knowing they'll break it off like 3 weeks later? I really don't see an issue with what he did. And I can guarantee if some random show picked 25 men for me (including a man with fangs), I would not end up marrying any of them. It just wouldn't happen. So I'm not really shocked he didn't find anyone to spend his life with the first time around. I am kinda shocked he thought he'd find someone the second time around. But he said last night "I definitely think my future wife is in this room."

Sorry, Brad, but I really really don't think so. Unless you're into fangs.